Flirty..flirty!

2002-10-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

Been 10 days since i last wrote. Lack of ideas to write abt anything. Its not that i've nothing to write abt..just haven't been in the mood to write.

I've been to places since the last time i wrote. My last paper was on wednesday, Sept 25th. The next day i went to jenor's in ipoh where her parents brought us to bota to eat satay. It was marvellous coz the satay were cheap and delicious and we were so amazed by its ice kacang... Really cheap and greatly satisfying! Then, we went back to campus on friday, rushed over to kak leha and kak cik's place. Kak leha made laksa while kak cik prepared fried beehoon, roti jala and pudding. Even had a karaoke session in kak cik's. The very next day.. pergi rumah Dr.Bad pulak. His wife made nasi tomato. Sedap!! Dr Ridal and spouse as well as Dr Hamid were also there as well.

Now.. a week after all that.. i'm all packed to return home. I've packed nearly everything.. abt 80% or so i guess... So.. these are my last words before i disconnect my pc and pack it up. Packing sucks! anyway.. glad i'm over n done with it... n i'm going home tomorrow!!!! Cant wait! :)

Will write again soon.

2002-09-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

At last!! i've completed all my exams!! Yeah.. the unofficial fresh grad... ehehe.. i couldnt get logged in to blogger for the past few days... plus the exams and all.. i remembered typing sumthing but i got disconnected just before i could publish my writing. Darn!

Hmm.. i think things had been quite allright... all in all.. despite the sleepless nights. I dunno why i have this difficulty to sleep nowadays. It could be related to stress.. not that i think that i studied too much i stressed myself out.. duh! I dunno.. Anyway.. i got the masters application form.. and filled it up half way.. coz there some fields that i haven't filled in yet and i need to see my dean first.. Man.. at last.. i'm doing my masters huh? I cant even imagine my convocation this august.. and now i'm already applying for my masters?? Wow!

I guess that's it.. not very much to say... i'll write again soon.. if i can get online... Hmm.. Aiza's going back to japan soon.. Maybe i should chat to her. Bye!

2002-09-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... lupa nak update... heheh.. typical of me. I'm sitting for my 3rd paper, the dreaded Japanese Language on Monday. Last Thursday i had the Management exam.. and.. i think it was okay for someone who'd studied at the 11th hour.. heheh..

Okay.. about the other thing... He told me that day about his sis in law. I couldnt believe my ears listening to him. I dindt know that those type of primitive thinking still exists in the minds of the so called high status people of the community. He said that once, he just pointed out a picture of a malay girl wearing tudung to her sis in law... her reaction was.. "What? You're into the sooo melayu wearing tudung kind of girls?" What a stupid remark right? So.. i'm in for some trouble if i'd want to blend in with his family later there.. don't you think? Hmm.. that's the thing about his sis in law. I hope his parents are not like that.. One thing i know about his mom though... His mom is the stylish type... very concerned about looks and physical appearance. Now that worries me.. What if he brings me home one day.. imagine what his mom would say... She'd probably judge me thru my fat ass... God..! You know how women can be very mean towards their own species.. just by being their selfish judgemental selves??? Am i getting a little too paranoid here??? Why do i worry so much anyway? It's not like i'm ready to meet his parents yet.

Whatever it is... after the call... we'd chatted as usual.. online.. but i dunno... I felt different while we're chatting. It can only be two things.. it can either be my pms.. or it could be his remarks about our future.... Waaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!... Confusing, stupid relationship blips must always happen during exams musn't they??? Hampeh! Big time!!

Malas nak layan.. i'd better concentrate on my jap...

2002-09-10T05:38:00.000-07:00

God.. i think my life is soooo screwed!!! My do i always get myself into such mess?? God!!...

First things first though.. I sat for my business writing paper this afternoon. It was.. unexpected. I expected that the question would include at least any kind of letter.. complaint's letter.. or even an application letter... but it didn't! All that was in there was an executive's summary and the 2nd question required us to write a chairperson's address of a company and two testimonials... That was a little absurd to me.. to the whole lot of us actually... Whatever it is, i've completed the paper.. and .. i guess i'd just have to wait for the results!

Okay.... now about the things that had screwed my life..... Yeah.. you've guessed it.. nothing else but Dan! God.... i just had a row with him two days ago.. partly because i was having one of my pms mood swings i should think. Anyway... we were upset with each other and it kinda stung me a bit when we ended the call in a rather nonchalant way ... not the usual sweeter way.. you know?.. Well.. the next day, he smsed me wishing me the best of luck for the exams and he said that he'll talk to me after my exams ended.. I got more pissed than ever.. coz i had the least idea why he was upset with me and he expected me to go through my exams with that big load on my head?? What the heck right??... But still.. he called me the next day.. that was yesterday night.. and we talked about it... And gee whiz.. i don't know if i should be glad or what...

OKay.. so he confessed that he cared for me and all those stuffs... but the thing is.. he said that he wants us to take things slow and easy. It's not like i'm rushing him into things... i'm very well aware that we had only be dating for 5 months? (yeah.. and we already fought twice!) But still.. i need something a little reassuring about the whole thing. He said that he didn't want any of us to hope on anything.. By that, he didn't mean that we have no future ahead of us.. but he's not saying that we may have one either... And.. i don't really find that as reassuring.. do you? I mean.. here i am spending really fascinating times with him and all that for what? For me to feel really good about it only to know that it's gonna fade away sooner or later? I know that this thing about realtionships are not something we have so much to say about... it's something we have to leave to fate.. but we could work towards it... couldn't we? And when he says things like that.. i feel like i'm just wasting my time on him... coz he can't reassure me that we are working towards a common goal... We're just two people going out togther, having fun and enjoying each other's company without any sense of purpose... i don't really fancy that.. To me it's a waste of time. I mean.. if you regard someone as special.. surely you'd want to live your life with him/her.. don't you??? This is wayyy too confusing for me. Why?? Because... i can't afford to go out with him time and again and expect that i won't develop some deep feelings towards him... nor can i afford to leave him because i think that he's such a nice person and i might help him to get more acquainted to Islam..

God.. i dunno.. there's more.. but i'll continue later... my best bud's online...

2002-09-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Gawd.. thank god satria repaired my blogger.... if not.. i dont think i'll ever login anymore.. nah.. kidding... i was quite busy lately.. and i just got back from home last thursday. Exams are starting this tuesday with my business writing paper. Two days later will be management, jap will be on the 16th and my last paper is on the 25th being digital control system. Cant wait to finish everything and be done with it!

I'm feeling low now... like damn!! why?? Coz i think i started a fight with dan yesterday.. not a real fight.. but sumthing like it.. coz our phone call didnt end like it always did. I dunno.. i was pointing out to him that there was sumthing i didnt really like abt him... us... then.. i dunno.. the line wasnt clear and all.. and the phone call ended just like that.. but he said he'll talk to again tonite.. i dunno... i just felt bad abt it.. you know.. remembering that he'd always treated me nice n good... always being there for me.. giving me support to do my best.. damn.. i feel so very guilty... n i hate this feeling. i dunno.. my heart told me not to talk to him yesterday.. but i couldnt do so... i had to take on his call... n i blew it.. smart of me huh?

Back in KL.. we went out a few times.. twice actually.. on monday.. when he brought me to the movies to watch xXx and he gave me flowers... a dozen of red roses, half a dozen pink n half a dozen orange.... he also gave me a box of belgian chocolates... he was just so nice.. n sweet... God.. this kills me! I really didnt wanna fight with him.. Its the last thing on earth i'd wanna do.. i dont think i'd even do it if the option was there... i should've followed my instincts.. should have...

Oh well.. now.. all i can do is wait huh? til tonite.. i have to get it settled.. coz it'll definitely interfere with my studies.... n thats the last thing i want.. when exams are just around the corner...

I'll update.. bye!

2002-08-18T04:30:00.000-07:00

Hadnt been able to write for quite sometime now.. the line had been down for a couple of days and it only recovered yesterday.. but i was way too tired yesterday i couldnt write! i have so many things to write abt.. n yet i cant find the words coz i was too tired.

Lets start on thursday... i received a shocking news... a senior of mine from sch. of materials eng died after a few days of coma. He was involved in an accident when he was on his way back to his home in kelantan from his convocation. It was said to be a hit n run act. His spine was injured and his neck broke. The sad parts was that his just received scroll was scattered on the road... and worst still for his family, the father just passed away a week before. Sad huh?.. may Allah bless their soul.

Then, later that nite, after attending a small tahlil for him,. jenor, my room mate, monza n myself went for dinner. As our fav place was closed, we went to sumwhere new. I n jenor had been to this place once, with nura... okay.. n there was this waiter bro... The funniest thing ever happened! We were sitting down.. waiting for our meals.. n i called my mom on the phone. Not long after, the bro came with our drinks... after serving everyone theor drinks, he placed a piece of paper in front of me. I thot it was some kind of a receipt or sumthing so i just flipped the thing open while i was still on the phone with my mom. To my surprise, written there on the paper was his name n his number... i couldnt help laughing my hearts out... i even told my mom abt it. Welll.. after the meal.. ( he served my meal while other waitress served my frens) i took the piece of paper with me so as to be polite.. but i havent taken any action towards it other than pinning the paper on my notice board.

On friday.... hmm.. nothing much happened i guess... on saturday.. i attended a talk by some herbal beauty line founder... n ended up buying one set of the product advertised....

N today..... was a really exhausting day... Jenor n i had to go to the post office in kulim to send our application letters.. then we went to visit our teacher from college, cikgu nani for a while. She had a heart attack a few mths back i think, probably due to stress but now she's recovering.. n seems healthy. Later we went to the summit.. as we both wanted to get stuffs frm mcdonalds.... then we rushed back for a seminar on pengurusan jenazah. Straight after, we have to go for practice.. me with my demo.. n jenor withe her basketball. Tonite.. we have to be testers for silat. N i havent finished my assignments yet!

I hafta go shower....

2002-08-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

Okay..back... went for convo the day before... and met the people i didnt plan to meet. The people i was so looking forward to meet were nowhere in the vicinity of my eyesight... i was dying to see satria with her all purple motto for the day.. and alqas.. and kak dilla with her baby in the tummy... n yeah.. pbw.... wonder how he looked.. must be really charming eh alqas? heheh... nonetheless.. i didnt get to see them.. maybe because we were quite late getting there in the first place.. heheh..

Anyway.. i met my bro goe... n had lunch n spent quite sometime with him n jenor... n.. i met ben n my "best" fren from college... gee whiz... things were totally balnd when i was with them... i'd want to escape from them.. but i just cant.. instead i even posed with them when they're taking photograpghs.... i dunno man.. just feel so damn weird... i just responded to them if they talked to me.. otherwise i'd be walking away from them.. as far as i could. i dunno how things r going to be next.. i dont care.. i dont have any plans to meet them anywhere near the future.. n i dont think they have any plans to do the same either. as for ben and myself.. we're sooo through! i couldnt care less what he was doing .. or whom he was talking to thru the phone anymore.. yeah.. he looked great in the tux n all.. but my mind was fixed to dear dan all the while i was there... cool huh?

dont wanna talk abt them anymore... gonna signoff.. waiting for dan to get online.... cherio!

2002-08-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

Just came back from angsa's house... her engagement was really great! It was a grand thing.. and everyone in the family had been very warm and kind to us. Anyway.. there was this one incident that i really cant take off my mind... when angsa's fiance greeted salam to angsa... it sounds so ... ermm... sumthing like we saw frm the movies... and in the movie.. the same tone of salam was given out by the hubby to the wife before ermm... their first nite experience... and angsa couldnt help laughing.. and went rolling on the bed... hampeh!

Went to the convocation yesterday... and ended up meeting the people i wanted to avoid.... like hell! :p i'll tell abt ot later.. gotta go for dinner now... aznor's mom just came and she'd brought food along.. YUMMY!!!

2002-08-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

Just back from home.... i hate the feeling i get as soon as i'm back from home.. the feeling of longingly wanting to go back.. to taste the sweetness of life.... away from the mundane of campus life... the feeling of missing people back at home terribly.....

I spent equal time with my mom and bro as i did with dan.. i think. Went out with my mom and aunt on wednesday.. and went out with dan on thursday.. the whole day.. from 1230 to 2100 or so... hehehe... god... it was really sweet of him... Today.. he sent me to the station.... i dunno.. he's just soooo intoxicatingly sweet towards me... but why? dear god.. i miss him already. Thinking back abt the things we did together.. i feel like... i dunno.... exploding with excitement???

I'd better not write anymore.... i'd hafta skip some details.... not gonna share those details online! :p Gonna go to the main campus tomorrow.. meet up with old frens... they're graduating tomorrow.. Sunday.. angsa'a getting engaged...... when will my turn come? heheh....

2002-08-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

I last wrote 2 days ago... n that's bcoz my days had become so hectic n exhausting.. i couldnt even lat my hands on the keyboard. I'd been occupied with studying up for my jap test and the upcoming marketing test which had been postponed to next monday.. thank god.. and.. i'd been doing massive cekak practising.. We've got a demo to perform tomorrow nite, for the wardatul islam week. I can say that this demo is the most pressuring compared to all other that i'd taken part in. I was really tensed, especially these few days, my skills had deteriorate, due to a long interval from attending class... and i dunno.. i suck! The pressure was quite intense that it interfered my sleep patterns.. if i had any.. I couldnt sleep well these past few days, be it a long night's sleep or a short nap in the afternoon.. i just cant doze off. Its like my body, brains n eyes r too tired to do anything else but it refused to relax... sleeping disorder.. Some demo huh?Anyway.. i hope i can do my best tomorrow nite. I really want to.. coz i dont want all our efforts to go down the drain.

Dan gave me bad news today.. which of course affected my day a little. He's leaving for bangkok this saturday, for his training. he got the short notice today, by phone. Hell! Now i cant spend my break with him... not even a day. I was already thinking that he'd pick me up n we'll dine together n stuffs.. guess that'd just wont happen now would it/.. Hmm... whatta do.. there must be some hikmah behind that right??? Another thing is that.. he might probably be transfered to indonesia on the 15/8.. What else could go wrong?? As i'm finishing my studies.. he'd to be stationed some place else... Damn! I chatted him up tonite... n he was very sweet with his words.. it made me wanna cry. I was so touched! He told me not to cry though coz he wants me to be happy. dan.. my sweet dan... heheh... most of the time extremely naughty too!

Abt my last entry two days ago.. Hmm.. maybe i wrote that during my stupid low moods.. Now that i'm a little saner.. i think i can view things in another light. But that doesnt mean that i made up stories and whatnot. It happens.. but maybe i wasnt so stable two days ago that i had to burst the bubbles.

Gotta go now.. for my very much deprived sleep. Gotta put some ointment on my lashline.... got some infections there.. I'll write again A.S.A.P...

2002-07-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

I happen to come accross this person. Its like... i dunno.. this person seems to think that the world actually revolves around her. For God's sakes.. why dont she get a life of her own? Its like she wants each and every conversation to at least contain a teeny weeny bit abt her relationship with this so-and-so... like i care. When i was discussing abt our so called "love life" with another friend.. she'd happily cut in with anything that comes accross her mind.. just to make the conversation turn to her... when in fact, whatever that she said had nothing to do with what my other fren and i were discussing abt! Like i appreciate her none-of-my-business stories! Duh! And if he cant be happy for me in my realtionship with dan.. whatever it is that's going on between us... she might just as well shut up (coz i never actually talked abt my days with dan to her in the 1st place). Dont have to make faces or vile comments abt it. Its not like i care what she thinks..

Okay.. enuff abt her... then... another story... Have you ever come across someone who just cant seem to tell what's private and what's not? I mean.. how'd you feel if someone lurks behind your back when u're having a private chat with someone on the net... or someone just came by at your table looking at what you're actually doing. I just cant stand these people. I mean.. its not that its sooo difficult to understand another person's private territory. It doesnt take any special seminars or courses to know all those stuffs... it just need a mere common sense for Gods sakes. Then why is it that some people just fail to understand??

Enough abt irritating habbits of certain people. Dan was back from the jungles yesterday. I call him at 2300 yesterday nite.. was kinda worried coz he said that he'd call me when he got out.. so i thot it'd be as soon as he got out. But he actually wanted to call me at midnite.. so he called me back, and we chatted for like 45 minutes... all the way frm camerons! That's gonna cost him quite some cash! I cant wait to go back to kl... wanna go shopping for some fabric with my mom... and of course.. i'd wanna spend some time with dan.. ;)

Need to go away from irritating persons! If not, i'd wrinkle faster with this frown i wear on my face whenever they're present!

2002-07-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Went to see my dean today... and he told me to come by his office on monday, along with alqas and satria.. I thot they're coming over today.. but they didnt turn up.. so i guess monday it is then.

Spent the morning in the library and the afternoon lazing around in my room. I'm gonna have to study tomorrow.. my digital control systems, my electrical tech tutorial, my marketing subject.. and that jap!.. jap and marketing tests are due this upcoming friday. Cool eh? Hmm.. sice i'm planning to go back home in a fortnight, i guess i'd better start studying hard!

Hmm.. currently listening to the song 'Linger' by the cranberries on hitz. This song really strucked me when things went haywired between myself and ben.Heheh.. memories can never fade can it? However bitter things had been... the sweeter things that had happened never seem to escape that little room in my head. Let it be there... as lng as it want to. I'll just look at it as something i had and enjoyed... solely the PAST. I have no regrets whatsoever.. what happened just made me stronger. Things hurt me a lot back then.. now i've grown mature not to hold any grudges against the past and everyone involved.. (Really?.. do i really?..heheh!) I'll share the lyrics of that song here... Oh yeah.. Dan is coming back tomorrow.. rally cant wait for his call!! ;)

LINGER -
If you.. if you should return.. Dont let it burn dont let it fade.I'm sure i'm not being rude but it's just your attitude.. it's breaking me apart.. it's ruining everything.
I swore.. I swore i would be true.. and honey so did you.. So why were u holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you? (P/s.. Probably it is!)
But i'm in too deep (was!) You know i'm such a fool for you.. You got me wrapped around your finger.. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to...?
I thought the world of you.. I thought nothing could go wrong.. But i was wrong... (Dead wrong!)

Well... that was my theme song back then.. Now.... it's ...I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you! :p
LOLzzz!! What a bunch of crap i wrote today.. heheheh...

2002-07-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

At last, after quite a long ermm... break.. from my cekak, i'm now joining the demonstration squad for the upcoming mwi week. Good.. coz i get to practice my silat.. it'd been such a long time since i'd last practised! We'll be having regular practises as the performance is just around the corner.. so i'm really gonna work hard for it.

I came accross a topic which had caught my interest in today's daily. It was about being prepared of becoming one nation. As far as i'm concerned, the way the educational system is working now.. i dont think it'll work. Just look at some of the students who'd been trained to be among their own race only, since their early ages. I'm talking abt my own people here. Sometimes i feel sorry for people of my own kind (thus sorry and truly embarrased of myself). Why? Because we'd been given too many privillages, some since their young age, that made us forget the need to be dilligent and competitive to survive the real world. We'd been spoonfed too much now that we turn into such lazybums! Sad.. but heartbreakingly true.

I had a taste of being one nation together with all my friends during my school years, despite their races. During those times, we'd practically shared everything... ideas, pencil colours, drinks.... I felt that i could really blend in with everyone.. no matter what they looked like.. and what color they were. We were just the same beings sharing this little piece of land by the name Malaysia. We had a fair share of everything. As long as one is hardworking enough, they'd get good results. The competitiveness is always there, amongst all the races. At the same time we have respect of each other's faiths and customs. As long as everyone knows where to draw the line, everything will be fine.

The problem is with us that we never actually know where and when to draw the line. Sometimes, we negotiate too much that it affects our own beliefs and faith. What i am trying to say here is that... sometimes we give in just a little too much... Just look at our people. We gave in to the temptations of alcohol, premarrital sex... and lots more that were never our custom in the first place. In fact, it was never anybody else's custom either was it? This isnt really the idea of being adaptable right? Maybe it all happened because our faiths in our religion had slightly diminish. And the finger points to no one else but me. If i wanna make change.. it has to start right here... ME!... what am i babbling about? Gee whizzz... i dunno.. just satisfying my cravings for writing i guess. Hehh...

Okay.. better go now... ooppsss... almost forgot! i have too see my dean tomorrow regarding my masters application. Cherrio!

2002-07-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Just came back from hanging out with some friends... before i went out just now.. i wanted to write in a few serious stuffs.. i was so taken in by what i read frm my friends' blogs and all... so i'd decided to write about some serious matters, rather than just childish blabberings of my current massive flirt.. heheh... but now... as i'm kinda full with fried maggi... the idea had completely drained... maybe the maggi exchaged places with my ideas....

Anyway.. despite my idea drainage, i'd still wanna write. It'd been quite some time now that i did any serious writing. The class i'm attending now is all about technical writing. Not really my cup of tea but i think it'd be beneficial to me in the long run. What's more, the current syllabus includes not only letter and report writing, it also includes market trend evaluations, prospectus and what not. Serious stuffs... can't say that i dont enjoy the class though. I think the class is cool.. with the teacher n all...

Okay.. b4 i start on the more serious stuffs.... lemme just put in sumthing abt dan okay.. hehehe.... he called all the way from camerons just now.. and he'd spoken in this whispering voice which i'd found quite sexy.. heheh. He's going into the jungles tomorrow, and he said that he'd gimme a call on sunday. Before ending the call, he made this puckering sound at the end of the line.. which i thot was kinda sweet.... :) (ben did that to me once... n i liked it too).

Now for some serious stuffs... not that serious anyway... heheh. Know what i'm thinking right now... how do some people get to afford like really posh stuffs... Man.. what i wouldnt give to have such luxury.... Why had i started to think abt this? Well... i just had a chat with my junior frm school... she told me that she got this brand new wira automatic car and to add to that, she also bought a brand new limited edition nokia 8910 that costs 2700 bucks! how's that? And the biggest catch is that she's 2 yrs younger than i am... some people are just so lucky! I mean.. i couldnt have afford the things she have right now even if i have a job!... She's not the only person having that kind of luxury.. most of my friends from school lives those posh kinda lifestyle too. Well.. above all that, of course.. they have wealthy parents.... I wonder how many years it'll take me to get financially stable... not just stable... comfortable... where i can spend money just like that.. without having to penny pinch and all. Hate having to check my purse before getting something i want... hate having to wait and save up to get something i sooo badly need to have. But then again, all that trains me to save, to know the real value of money... to realize the difficulties that my parents had gone thru to feed, clothe and shelter us... to make me aware of the importance of money management.... which is why i need to get my butt into the management class tomorrow.... It'd had been like nearly 5 hrs of management lectures that i'd skipped already! heheheh... yeah.. naughty me... I know...

Oh well... i'd better finish up my jap homework so that i can pass it up tomorrow. How long had i wrote??? Ermmm.... what a sweet nite... Sure gonna have a good nite's sleep.. with thots of dan lingering in my mind ( yeah... you people reading my blog would have one helluva time laughin hard at me.... duh... like you ppl dont experience what i'm going thru rite now.. :p) Hmm... i think i can smell a slight, faint smell of his davidoff... heheh.. just kidding! cherio!

2002-07-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

How come today is sooo damn boring? Had jap class early in the morning... i was woken up by dan this morning.. i asked him to do so, as soon as he's on the way to cameron's. He's in cameron's now.. repairing his beloved landie.. :p and he'll be spending the weekend in the jungles.. whatever... damn! now he's not around to chat with me... HUWAAA!!! I miss hom sooo much! why?????

okay.. no stories whatsoever... there'd be a seminar on vlsi tomorrow... maybe i'd go....

2002-07-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

I had one of the best weekends ever!!!!!! just reached campus frm kl at 0500 this morning.... n i still can go thru every bit of the details of my going out with him vividly... :)

We went out on saturday to the midvalley megamall... n i prior to the date i'd told him not to drive his landie coz it was near my period n some parts of my body are quite tender.. so the rattle of the landie would really hurt those parts(this what i really enjoy of him.. i can really share everything with him!).. n so.. he brought along his wira instead n he picked me up at the bangsar station at 1100. We proceeded to the midvalley.. looked for his stuff a while n felt rather hungry soon after so we headed to the mcdonalds coz i wanted to have the sundae so badly... n we spent quite some time there... catching up on things.. duh! like there're so many things to catch up on.. i practically chat with him every night for god's sakes... anyway.. he asked if i'd lost weight!! :D okay... after luch, i had to go to the ladies n he needs a ciggie.. n we went to the toilet area where he then went to the parking lot to have his ciggie. Surprisingly, i found out that i'm having my menses running on that particular day! i really didnt expect it to come so soon.. n i didnt prepare myself.. no pads.. no panty liners.. no nothing!.. i cleaned myself.. (no stains on my panties yet.. thank god!) n rushed out to find him.. n when i did, i told him as discreetly as possible that i really need to go to watsons... n he understood and dashed right outta the parking lot... so quickly that i had to run after him!.. i had to slow him down a bit.. n we got to wtasons.. i got what i needed... n everything was fine... that was the 1st time that ever happened to me... n it was really sweet of him to understand.

The next day, we went out again, this time we went looking foe my stuffs... near the sogo area.. we went out really early to catch breakfast.. at about 0930... n then i hurriedly got all the things i wanted to get n settled down to lunch at pertama... he was complaining that he wasfeeling tired n sleepy n all... n i felt quite sorry that he'd to take me out... anyway.. towards our depart, he confessed that he dont really go out much when i'm not around.. unless of course with jamal n shikin... n i dunno.. does that prove anything?

Later, he walked me to the bus stop n we said our bye byes n all... later that night, he called to make sure that i was safe on the bus (i took the midnite bus) n told me that he'd started missing me the very moment he turned to leave... sweet! darn!.. now i'm just so fond of him... all my friends who knows abt him keep telling me it's really good for me to have him.. but i dunno... i do like him.. but.... i'll just leave things to fate... god.. i miss him already!!!

2002-07-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

it's already thursday... n i'm going back home tomorrow! yeah.. i've made the decision to go back home despite the test i'm sitting on tuesday... n i think i'd been fairly studious enough for the past few days... since monday.. jut to prepare myself.. n i do think that i deserve this break... i'm desperately homesick... only my physique is here.. my mind and soul is already at home....

something happened today that i think was rather sweet.. it wasnt anything major.. sumhow i think it was sweet.. i was kinda late for my tutorial class this evening and on my way to class i met up with this 2 guys.. my course mates...salam n usop... these guys luv teasing me a lot! as i passed them, usop kinda blocked me... heheh.. that's it... kinda sweet.. i think.. good thing no one was around at that particular time.... if my students were there.. what in the world would they think abt it.

hmm... apart frm that..... nothing much i think... oh yeah.. i've put off a kilo!!!! yeay!!!! i really deserve this trip home... cya then!

2002-07-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

it's monday... n i just got back frm class... i walked home with angsa today coz my room mate's car was kinda full with other people.. what the heck.. i can burn off calories by walking anyway. Actually.. i'm supposed to attend class right now.. but heehehee.. as the class is sooo damn boring.. i'd rather not go. its better that i sit here.. at the comfort of my own room.. (actually this is my neighbour's room, jenor.. my room key is with my room mate, aiem.. so here i am.. at jenor's room) whatever... at least i can get ready for my tutorial this evening.. and maybe take just a teeny weeny nap later... just a tiny one.. promise!!~ :)

well... i'm actually in a dilemma now.. i wanna go back at the end of this week.. so very badly!! but.. the problem is... i'm having a digital control systems test on the coming tuesday.. n i have to prepare for that. if i go back.. i'd never study.. i know... but if i postpone my going back to the next weekend... then i cant date dan.. coz he'd hafta go up to the cameron's to get his landie repaired... n he cant switched to another day or week coz he's working n all.. n he'd hafta get it ready by august coz he's having this land rover clinic on the 3rd of august at janda baik.... which also means that i cant date him then... :( the 2nd week of august... i cant go back coz i've gotta attend angsa's engagement on the 11th... what am i to do??????!!! i really, really have to see dan coz i miss him too much already.... maybe i should go back this weekend.. n start to prepare for the test now...A.S.A.P!

should've went back last weekend ya know.. coz then i could see his brand new aircraft, just landed frm toulouse... damn! well.. what is done is done.. at least i got to go shopping n got myself a new pair of sandals, brassierres n a tudung... :)

okay.. need to go for my tiny nap now...

2002-07-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

another mundane week getting over soon.. things r always the usual.. me n my assignments.. the jap tests after each chapter.. n the tutorials... tutorials were really enjoyable at the beginning.. now.. it seemed kinda troublesome.. coz it bothers me to look at those twisted, blank faces of the kids in my class.. i pity them.. i know the things i was trying to cater were really difficult to visualize.. but they'd get it if they'd spend time on it.. i know it.. coz i've been there once. but the feedbacks that i got frm them is that they're all too occupied with various asgnmts that they barely have time to review what they've leant.. duh!.. what do they expect?

Apart frm that.. things r.. as i said.. mundane.. always the usual.. nothing special that adds zing to my life.. me n dan r getting along fine.. neither of us hardly mentioned abt lovey dovey stuffs but we confessed that we missed each other so.. n i think he's dropping hints along the way.. but i think i've learnt frm my past experiences never to believe all these so called hints.

i had a jap test this morning.. n i think i screwed it.. damn! what the heck.. tomorrow i'm going for sauna.. n in the evening i'd be off to my bud's hse.. cherio!

2002-07-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

well.. we had a talk last nite... went thru sum stuffs.. n all in all... i think things will get better for us both.. tonite he didnt log in coz he'd to attend the land rover's comittee meeting.. n it usually ends like really late.. so he cant possibly log in as usual..

know what.. my phone got barred!damn.. i really miss him.. hmm.. maybe i should send him a msg thru sms.ac.. yeah.. i'd do just that..

got japanese language test early tomorrow mornin.. so i'm gonna doze off early.. wish me luck! chiow!

2002-07-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

Great! i'm in an argument with dan i dont like this!... its like.. i was in a bad mood that day.. n he was too nauty that he used a nick that i'm not fond of..n he didnt wanna change it when i urged him too.. but when he finally did,, we're both pissed off n i just logged off n he called me right after. then.. i called him the next day.. but things still arent okay.. n now i'm straightening things out with him.. he thot that maybe i'm ashamed of him.. for God! i am not.. n i've told him that .. but i think it takes sum time for my words to sink in after what had happened. it makes me think abt waht is actually going on between us.. we talked abt accepting each other for being ourselves n stuffs.. n i think that he really cares for me.. i've never asked if he loves me.. i dont think i'm ready to face the consequences yet..

i dunno.. i hpe things will get better for us.. coz i care for him too.. n i'd feel the lost if he goes..

2002-06-21T01:49:00.000-07:00

BRAZIL WONNNNN!!!!!! :)
saw the live telecast just now.. good thing brazil won... i'd rather them than the english.. hmm..nothing much to say today.. as usual..my jap calss today.. another 15 vocals learnt.. hmm.. oh yeah.. n i lost 1 kilo.. good enuff..

Gotta go now... getting ready for an evening out in png with my buddies..

2002-06-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

Had my 1st taste of tutoring for electrical technology yesterday... kinda nice experience.. though very, very exhausting... i fell asleep as soon as i got back to my room... i'd never dreamed that just being a tutor would be as tiring!..maybe it's because i skipped lunch... maybe..

Todat'll be another class.. later in the evening.. some of the guys are really cute.. too bad they're as young as my brother... if they're my age.. i'd flirt with them!hehehe... hope today would be great.

I'm missing dan soo badly!.. man... i miss the smell of that davidoff perfume on him.. how come i miss him so much?.. i'm not in love with him now am i? no..i dont think so.. but i do miss him after all.... n going thru his resume makes me miss him even more.... oh dear...

Enough of that..gonna go cat napping..heheh..

2002-06-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

hmm... its been long while since i last wrote. i was on holiday.. so i didnt log in n when i did got logged on in my room.. i cant seem to write!.. i dunno...

been on the 7th heaven nowadays.. with dan.. the pilot.. remember? well.. i dunno why.. i cant help it. he's sooo sweet n all. if ben was sweet.. he's a hundred time sweeter than ben could ever be. he'd been so trusting, so truthful to me.. during the hols, we'd been going out on a frequent basis.. like at least once a week.. n i really enjoyed being with him.. i cant say that i'm in love with him.. but i just enjoy his company... love is not the topic here.. i dont think love has developed... hehehh.. then why the hell would i enjoy his company?? i dunno.. maybe because the way he treated me.. like i should be treated.. n i'm adorable in his eyes.. n the fact that he's a gentleman n sweet.. plus.. he pays for everything.. hahaha! naaahhh.. just kidding.. i'm not that cheap..

anyway...things had been going fine.. up til now at least.. we're still in contact even though we're sooo far apart.. he's probably going to france soon... oh yeah.. i went thru his resume yesterday.. n it was very..very impressive! really.. kinda melted at some facts there... he used to attend sri inai.. some miskin background... :p

okay..enuff blabbing for now..