Hmmm... lupa nak update... heheh.. typical of me. I'm sitting for my 3rd paper, the dreaded Japanese Language on Monday. Last Thursday i had the Management exam.. and.. i think it was okay for someone who'd studied at the 11th hour.. heheh..

Okay.. about the other thing... He told me that day about his sis in law. I couldnt believe my ears listening to him. I dindt know that those type of primitive thinking still exists in the minds of the so called high status people of the community. He said that once, he just pointed out a picture of a malay girl wearing tudung to her sis in law... her reaction was.. "What? You're into the sooo melayu wearing tudung kind of girls?" What a stupid remark right? So.. i'm in for some trouble if i'd want to blend in with his family later there.. don't you think? Hmm.. that's the thing about his sis in law. I hope his parents are not like that.. One thing i know about his mom though... His mom is the stylish type... very concerned about looks and physical appearance. Now that worries me.. What if he brings me home one day.. imagine what his mom would say... She'd probably judge me thru my fat ass... God..! You know how women can be very mean towards their own species.. just by being their selfish judgemental selves??? Am i getting a little too paranoid here??? Why do i worry so much anyway? It's not like i'm ready to meet his parents yet.

Whatever it is... after the call... we'd chatted as usual.. online.. but i dunno... I felt different while we're chatting. It can only be two things.. it can either be my pms.. or it could be his remarks about our future.... Waaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!... Confusing, stupid relationship blips must always happen during exams musn't they??? Hampeh! Big time!!

Malas nak layan.. i'd better concentrate on my jap...

God.. i think my life is soooo screwed!!! My do i always get myself into such mess?? God!!...

First things first though.. I sat for my business writing paper this afternoon. It was.. unexpected. I expected that the question would include at least any kind of letter.. complaint's letter.. or even an application letter... but it didn't! All that was in there was an executive's summary and the 2nd question required us to write a chairperson's address of a company and two testimonials... That was a little absurd to me.. to the whole lot of us actually... Whatever it is, i've completed the paper.. and .. i guess i'd just have to wait for the results!

Okay.... now about the things that had screwed my life..... Yeah.. you've guessed it.. nothing else but Dan! God.... i just had a row with him two days ago.. partly because i was having one of my pms mood swings i should think. Anyway... we were upset with each other and it kinda stung me a bit when we ended the call in a rather nonchalant way ... not the usual sweeter way.. you know?.. Well.. the next day, he smsed me wishing me the best of luck for the exams and he said that he'll talk to me after my exams ended.. I got more pissed than ever.. coz i had the least idea why he was upset with me and he expected me to go through my exams with that big load on my head?? What the heck right??... But still.. he called me the next day.. that was yesterday night.. and we talked about it... And gee whiz.. i don't know if i should be glad or what...

OKay.. so he confessed that he cared for me and all those stuffs... but the thing is.. he said that he wants us to take things slow and easy. It's not like i'm rushing him into things... i'm very well aware that we had only be dating for 5 months? (yeah.. and we already fought twice!) But still.. i need something a little reassuring about the whole thing. He said that he didn't want any of us to hope on anything.. By that, he didn't mean that we have no future ahead of us.. but he's not saying that we may have one either... And.. i don't really find that as reassuring.. do you? I mean.. here i am spending really fascinating times with him and all that for what? For me to feel really good about it only to know that it's gonna fade away sooner or later? I know that this thing about realtionships are not something we have so much to say about... it's something we have to leave to fate.. but we could work towards it... couldn't we? And when he says things like that.. i feel like i'm just wasting my time on him... coz he can't reassure me that we are working towards a common goal... We're just two people going out togther, having fun and enjoying each other's company without any sense of purpose... i don't really fancy that.. To me it's a waste of time. I mean.. if you regard someone as special.. surely you'd want to live your life with him/her.. don't you??? This is wayyy too confusing for me. Why?? Because... i can't afford to go out with him time and again and expect that i won't develop some deep feelings towards him... nor can i afford to leave him because i think that he's such a nice person and i might help him to get more acquainted to Islam..

God.. i dunno.. there's more.. but i'll continue later... my best bud's online...