Been 10 days since i last wrote. Lack of ideas to write abt anything. Its not that i've nothing to write abt..just haven't been in the mood to write.

I've been to places since the last time i wrote. My last paper was on wednesday, Sept 25th. The next day i went to jenor's in ipoh where her parents brought us to bota to eat satay. It was marvellous coz the satay were cheap and delicious and we were so amazed by its ice kacang... Really cheap and greatly satisfying! Then, we went back to campus on friday, rushed over to kak leha and kak cik's place. Kak leha made laksa while kak cik prepared fried beehoon, roti jala and pudding. Even had a karaoke session in kak cik's. The very next day.. pergi rumah Dr.Bad pulak. His wife made nasi tomato. Sedap!! Dr Ridal and spouse as well as Dr Hamid were also there as well.

Now.. a week after all that.. i'm all packed to return home. I've packed nearly everything.. abt 80% or so i guess... So.. these are my last words before i disconnect my pc and pack it up. Packing sucks! anyway.. glad i'm over n done with it... n i'm going home tomorrow!!!! Cant wait! :)

Will write again soon.

At last!! i've completed all my exams!! Yeah.. the unofficial fresh grad... ehehe.. i couldnt get logged in to blogger for the past few days... plus the exams and all.. i remembered typing sumthing but i got disconnected just before i could publish my writing. Darn!

Hmm.. i think things had been quite allright... all in all.. despite the sleepless nights. I dunno why i have this difficulty to sleep nowadays. It could be related to stress.. not that i think that i studied too much i stressed myself out.. duh! I dunno.. Anyway.. i got the masters application form.. and filled it up half way.. coz there some fields that i haven't filled in yet and i need to see my dean first.. Man.. at last.. i'm doing my masters huh? I cant even imagine my convocation this august.. and now i'm already applying for my masters?? Wow!

I guess that's it.. not very much to say... i'll write again soon.. if i can get online... Hmm.. Aiza's going back to japan soon.. Maybe i should chat to her. Bye!

Hmmm... lupa nak update... heheh.. typical of me. I'm sitting for my 3rd paper, the dreaded Japanese Language on Monday. Last Thursday i had the Management exam.. and.. i think it was okay for someone who'd studied at the 11th hour.. heheh..

Okay.. about the other thing... He told me that day about his sis in law. I couldnt believe my ears listening to him. I dindt know that those type of primitive thinking still exists in the minds of the so called high status people of the community. He said that once, he just pointed out a picture of a malay girl wearing tudung to her sis in law... her reaction was.. "What? You're into the sooo melayu wearing tudung kind of girls?" What a stupid remark right? So.. i'm in for some trouble if i'd want to blend in with his family later there.. don't you think? Hmm.. that's the thing about his sis in law. I hope his parents are not like that.. One thing i know about his mom though... His mom is the stylish type... very concerned about looks and physical appearance. Now that worries me.. What if he brings me home one day.. imagine what his mom would say... She'd probably judge me thru my fat ass... God..! You know how women can be very mean towards their own species.. just by being their selfish judgemental selves??? Am i getting a little too paranoid here??? Why do i worry so much anyway? It's not like i'm ready to meet his parents yet.

Whatever it is... after the call... we'd chatted as usual.. online.. but i dunno... I felt different while we're chatting. It can only be two things.. it can either be my pms.. or it could be his remarks about our future.... Waaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!... Confusing, stupid relationship blips must always happen during exams musn't they??? Hampeh! Big time!!

Malas nak layan.. i'd better concentrate on my jap...

God.. i think my life is soooo screwed!!! My do i always get myself into such mess?? God!!...

First things first though.. I sat for my business writing paper this afternoon. It was.. unexpected. I expected that the question would include at least any kind of letter.. complaint's letter.. or even an application letter... but it didn't! All that was in there was an executive's summary and the 2nd question required us to write a chairperson's address of a company and two testimonials... That was a little absurd to me.. to the whole lot of us actually... Whatever it is, i've completed the paper.. and .. i guess i'd just have to wait for the results!

Okay.... now about the things that had screwed my life..... Yeah.. you've guessed it.. nothing else but Dan! God.... i just had a row with him two days ago.. partly because i was having one of my pms mood swings i should think. Anyway... we were upset with each other and it kinda stung me a bit when we ended the call in a rather nonchalant way ... not the usual sweeter way.. you know?.. Well.. the next day, he smsed me wishing me the best of luck for the exams and he said that he'll talk to me after my exams ended.. I got more pissed than ever.. coz i had the least idea why he was upset with me and he expected me to go through my exams with that big load on my head?? What the heck right??... But still.. he called me the next day.. that was yesterday night.. and we talked about it... And gee whiz.. i don't know if i should be glad or what...

OKay.. so he confessed that he cared for me and all those stuffs... but the thing is.. he said that he wants us to take things slow and easy. It's not like i'm rushing him into things... i'm very well aware that we had only be dating for 5 months? (yeah.. and we already fought twice!) But still.. i need something a little reassuring about the whole thing. He said that he didn't want any of us to hope on anything.. By that, he didn't mean that we have no future ahead of us.. but he's not saying that we may have one either... And.. i don't really find that as reassuring.. do you? I mean.. here i am spending really fascinating times with him and all that for what? For me to feel really good about it only to know that it's gonna fade away sooner or later? I know that this thing about realtionships are not something we have so much to say about... it's something we have to leave to fate.. but we could work towards it... couldn't we? And when he says things like that.. i feel like i'm just wasting my time on him... coz he can't reassure me that we are working towards a common goal... We're just two people going out togther, having fun and enjoying each other's company without any sense of purpose... i don't really fancy that.. To me it's a waste of time. I mean.. if you regard someone as special.. surely you'd want to live your life with him/her.. don't you??? This is wayyy too confusing for me. Why?? Because... i can't afford to go out with him time and again and expect that i won't develop some deep feelings towards him... nor can i afford to leave him because i think that he's such a nice person and i might help him to get more acquainted to Islam..

God.. i dunno.. there's more.. but i'll continue later... my best bud's online...

Gawd.. thank god satria repaired my blogger.... if not.. i dont think i'll ever login anymore.. nah.. kidding... i was quite busy lately.. and i just got back from home last thursday. Exams are starting this tuesday with my business writing paper. Two days later will be management, jap will be on the 16th and my last paper is on the 25th being digital control system. Cant wait to finish everything and be done with it!

I'm feeling low now... like damn!! why?? Coz i think i started a fight with dan yesterday.. not a real fight.. but sumthing like it.. coz our phone call didnt end like it always did. I dunno.. i was pointing out to him that there was sumthing i didnt really like abt him... us... then.. i dunno.. the line wasnt clear and all.. and the phone call ended just like that.. but he said he'll talk to again tonite.. i dunno... i just felt bad abt it.. you know.. remembering that he'd always treated me nice n good... always being there for me.. giving me support to do my best.. damn.. i feel so very guilty... n i hate this feeling. i dunno.. my heart told me not to talk to him yesterday.. but i couldnt do so... i had to take on his call... n i blew it.. smart of me huh?

Back in KL.. we went out a few times.. twice actually.. on monday.. when he brought me to the movies to watch xXx and he gave me flowers... a dozen of red roses, half a dozen pink n half a dozen orange.... he also gave me a box of belgian chocolates... he was just so nice.. n sweet... God.. this kills me! I really didnt wanna fight with him.. Its the last thing on earth i'd wanna do.. i dont think i'd even do it if the option was there... i should've followed my instincts.. should have...

Oh well.. now.. all i can do is wait huh? til tonite.. i have to get it settled.. coz it'll definitely interfere with my studies.... n thats the last thing i want.. when exams are just around the corner...

I'll update.. bye!

Hadnt been able to write for quite sometime now.. the line had been down for a couple of days and it only recovered yesterday.. but i was way too tired yesterday i couldnt write! i have so many things to write abt.. n yet i cant find the words coz i was too tired.

Lets start on thursday... i received a shocking news... a senior of mine from sch. of materials eng died after a few days of coma. He was involved in an accident when he was on his way back to his home in kelantan from his convocation. It was said to be a hit n run act. His spine was injured and his neck broke. The sad parts was that his just received scroll was scattered on the road... and worst still for his family, the father just passed away a week before. Sad huh?.. may Allah bless their soul.

Then, later that nite, after attending a small tahlil for him,. jenor, my room mate, monza n myself went for dinner. As our fav place was closed, we went to sumwhere new. I n jenor had been to this place once, with nura... okay.. n there was this waiter bro... The funniest thing ever happened! We were sitting down.. waiting for our meals.. n i called my mom on the phone. Not long after, the bro came with our drinks... after serving everyone theor drinks, he placed a piece of paper in front of me. I thot it was some kind of a receipt or sumthing so i just flipped the thing open while i was still on the phone with my mom. To my surprise, written there on the paper was his name n his number... i couldnt help laughing my hearts out... i even told my mom abt it. Welll.. after the meal.. ( he served my meal while other waitress served my frens) i took the piece of paper with me so as to be polite.. but i havent taken any action towards it other than pinning the paper on my notice board.

On friday.... hmm.. nothing much happened i guess... on saturday.. i attended a talk by some herbal beauty line founder... n ended up buying one set of the product advertised....

N today..... was a really exhausting day... Jenor n i had to go to the post office in kulim to send our application letters.. then we went to visit our teacher from college, cikgu nani for a while. She had a heart attack a few mths back i think, probably due to stress but now she's recovering.. n seems healthy. Later we went to the summit.. as we both wanted to get stuffs frm mcdonalds.... then we rushed back for a seminar on pengurusan jenazah. Straight after, we have to go for practice.. me with my demo.. n jenor withe her basketball. Tonite.. we have to be testers for silat. N i havent finished my assignments yet!

I hafta go shower....

Okay..back... went for convo the day before... and met the people i didnt plan to meet. The people i was so looking forward to meet were nowhere in the vicinity of my eyesight... i was dying to see satria with her all purple motto for the day.. and alqas.. and kak dilla with her baby in the tummy... n yeah.. pbw.... wonder how he looked.. must be really charming eh alqas? heheh... nonetheless.. i didnt get to see them.. maybe because we were quite late getting there in the first place.. heheh..

Anyway.. i met my bro goe... n had lunch n spent quite sometime with him n jenor... n.. i met ben n my "best" fren from college... gee whiz... things were totally balnd when i was with them... i'd want to escape from them.. but i just cant.. instead i even posed with them when they're taking photograpghs.... i dunno man.. just feel so damn weird... i just responded to them if they talked to me.. otherwise i'd be walking away from them.. as far as i could. i dunno how things r going to be next.. i dont care.. i dont have any plans to meet them anywhere near the future.. n i dont think they have any plans to do the same either. as for ben and myself.. we're sooo through! i couldnt care less what he was doing .. or whom he was talking to thru the phone anymore.. yeah.. he looked great in the tux n all.. but my mind was fixed to dear dan all the while i was there... cool huh?

dont wanna talk abt them anymore... gonna signoff.. waiting for dan to get online.... cherio!

Just came back from angsa's house... her engagement was really great! It was a grand thing.. and everyone in the family had been very warm and kind to us. Anyway.. there was this one incident that i really cant take off my mind... when angsa's fiance greeted salam to angsa... it sounds so ... ermm... sumthing like we saw frm the movies... and in the movie.. the same tone of salam was given out by the hubby to the wife before ermm... their first nite experience... and angsa couldnt help laughing.. and went rolling on the bed... hampeh!

Went to the convocation yesterday... and ended up meeting the people i wanted to avoid.... like hell! :p i'll tell abt ot later.. gotta go for dinner now... aznor's mom just came and she'd brought food along.. YUMMY!!!